SPIDER BABY, OR THE MADDEST STORY EVER TOLD
1968 B&W 81 min. Lasky-Monka
Directed by Jack Hill
Written by Jack Hill
CAST
Lon Chaney Jr. (as Lon Chaney) - Bruno the Chauffeur
Carol Ohmart - Emily Howe
Quinn Q. Redecker - Peter Howe
Beverly Washburn - Elizabeth
Jill Banner - Virginia
Sid Haig - Ralph
Mary Mitchel - Ann
Karl Schanzer - Schlocker
Mantan Moreland - Messenger
Carolyn Cooper - Aunt Clara (uncredited)
Joan Keller - Aunt Martha (uncredited)
?? – Uncle Ned
I caught this flick a few days ago on TCM’s cult movie night or something like that, and it’s a tough one to categorize. Is it horror or black comedy? Well, Lon Chaney Jr. ”sings” the opening title song…like I said, black comedy or horror? You make the call! This little gem also can be found with the title THE LIVER EATERS, just in case anyone asks; the title was later shortened to SPIDER BABY. Murder, incest, cannibalism and rape, this one has it all. It’s good, VERY quirky, weird fun in my opinion, but it may not be everyone’s fare. (heh heh)
Lon Chaney Jr. is Bruno, who is the caretaker of the last of the Merrye family, incredibly rich and the victims of a degenerative disorder known as Merrye’s Syndrome, which causes mental degeneration into a cannibalistic state in the years following puberty. They live in a dilapidated mansion in the deep woods of rural California, probably somewhere near Chatsworth. Bruno and the children, Virginia, Elizabeth and Ralph live upstairs and Aunt Clara and Uncle Ned, deep in the late stages of the disease, live in the cellar. Mantan Moreland makes his regrettably short appearance in the first scene, trying to deliver a package to the run down mansion. A lot more dedicated than today’s messengers, he gets stuck crawling in a window. Virginia (the Spider Baby of the title) and Elizabeth approach, knives in hand. “I caught a big fat bug right in my spider web and now the spider gets to give the bug a big sting. Sting! Sting! Sting! Sting! Sting!” There is a gruesome murder, and a nifty shot of a severed ear falling to the floor, which makes an appearance later in the film. Bruno arrives in his classic roadster just a little too late.
When Emily hears about the vast fortune and the degenerate family on her husband’s side of the family, she plans to move in and take everything over, getting the kids committed and taking control of the fortune. Her husband Peter is not really down with the plan, but soon they arrive at the house with their lawyer Schlocker, a diminutive type with a Hitler mustache.
Bruno discourages the Howes from staying, but Emily insists. We learn that Merryes Syndrome is caused by years of incest. Peter feels sorry for the children and their brain rot. Dinner follows, with the girls dining on large spiders and other bugs. Elizabeth chides Virginia, saying, “Spiders don’t eat other spiders.” “Cannibal spiders do,” Virginia replies, munching a nice big one. Bruno explains that the girls still have to be fed, but Ralph can eat what he catches. In this case, a cat he caught outside. Sid Haig looks like a young Max Schreck in Nosferatu, and really does a good job in this. Ralphie is the furthest gone of the children, able to communicate only in grunts and leers, dressed in a too-small little boy’s suit. He spends a lot of time moving bodies from the basement to the kitchen in a dumbwaiter that is used so often it should have gotten a credit. Lon gets a sad look on his face. “And tonight the moon will be full,” he moans. This movie is full of references to other horror films, Frankenstein, Wolfman, Mummy, Nosferatu, even the Addams Family TV show, to name just a few. Bruno realizes that the fate of the children will be sealed when the outside world finds out about them. He cautions the children to be good while he runs an errand.
Aunt Emily decides to done her hot black lingerie and dance around in her room for a while. Carol Ohmart is super hot, maybe white hot, and this scene would give a dead man a stiffy. This is sort of another version of her character of the nasty wife in THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL. Ralph crawls down the outside wall ala Nosferatu, and hangs upside down like a bat outside the window and watches. Emily sees him and screams, Ralph crawls through the window leering, and there ensues a chase. Ralph in his too-small little boy suit chasing Emily in her hot black lingerie, being chased by Elizabeth and Virginia in nightgowns around the mansion lawn in the moonlight. It’s a beautiful thing. Meanwhile, the aptly named lawyer Schlocker is going through a desk and finds Mantan’s severed ear in a box. Paniced, he stumbles on the secret entrance to the cellar where Uncle Ned, whom I cannot find a credit for, and Aunt Clara live. They are little more than wild beasts and attack Schlocker, who then utters the best line of the film. “I don’t know what you people think you’re doing,” he screams. “This has gone well beyond the boundaries of prudence and good taste.”
Bruno has broken into a storage shed in the countryside and comes back home. He herds Aunt Clara and Uncle Ned back into the cellar with whatever is left of Schlocker and gathers the children to him. Peter and Emily make a mad dash out of the house. Bruno sits in a chair and produces a large bundle of dynamite with a fuse. “I have a surprise, children.” “What’s it gonna do, Bruno?” “Well, it’s gonna make a big flash and go bang.” “Oh boy!” Peter and Emily collapse in the road as there is a huge explosion. Then there is a short exposition scene ala PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE. And since Peter has the Merrye genes, I guess, the movie ends with THE END?
This is definitely a B Movie, maybe a B Minus Movie and assuredly qualifies as a Cult Movie. Still, the performances were good overall, even though Quinn Q. Redecker sleepwalks through this. Lon Chaney Jr. looks like he’s in the middle of a month-long bender, but still gives this a good shot and gets a little tearful when he realizes what he must do. Sid Haig is brilliant in this, even if it’s hard to picture him 35 years later. Carol Ohmart is sizzling hot in her black lingerie scenes; did I mention that? On the official Afa Dollah B Movie Rating Scale, SPIDER BABY gets: A BIG THUMBS UP, BABY! Check this one out!